For the last day of July, I’m closing out with more mystic “food for thought.”
I came across this tarot spread idea on Facebook a couple months ago and considered trying it out. I’m very sporadic with using my cards, and yesterday I finally got myself to do it.
It’s me we’re talking about, so it’s a pretty bizarre reading, and it included bouts of crying and “wtf?” moments here and there.
I used what I like to call my spring/summer deck – Kim Krans’ “The Wild Unknown Tarot.”
I typically switch to my older “Gothic Tarot by Joseph Vargo” for the fall and winter. I’m sure I’ll be featuring those in the future, there will probably be more readings not too far ahead.
Let’s start with this hot mess.
“Be Your Own Therapist” Tarot Spread:
1. Presenting Problem (The reason you are seeking therapy)
The Hanged Man
Indicates a difficult or painful situation and your struggle to be able to “let go.”
The best thing you can while being stuck in this position is to find calmness, open your eyes, and use the new perspective to learn something.
(My thoughts/interpretation: This made me instantly burst into tears. There’s no doubt that I am still hanging in limbo, struggling with my feelings and unable to let go.
I don’t understand what this “new perspective” is though, because all I have been seeing are stunning synchronicities that I can’t figure out the purpose for. They’re “opening my eyes” all right, but to show me what? What should I be learning that hasn’t already come into my mind?)
2. Cognitive Distortions (Unhelpful thoughts and beliefs which contribute to the problem)
Eight of Cups
The evident message that you need to move on – there is no hope of rekindling what’s been lost. There is nothing left for you.
(My thoughts/interpretation: This is a painfully-blunt card and another extremely difficult one to see. The message seems perfectly clear and should probably be obvious in my situation – but if that were the case and everything was so plain to see, I wouldn’t be going through internal conflict, asking my tarot cards for a “therapy” reading in the first place.
Even in this spread, I don’t know what it’s actually saying because of the context. Is it saying that the “unhelpful thought” is that I can’t completely accept this message, or is it referring to my pain knowing that this is what I’m supposed to believe? I struggle with both. It’s just “problems” all around.)
3. Maladaptive Behavior (Conscious behavior that provides momentary relief, but impairs functioning)
Ten of Pentacles
This card revolves around the feelings of material or spiritual abundance and fulfillment. It is recommended that you provide your wisdom and guidance to those who struggle – this will better your own life.
(My thoughts/interpretation: This is a question mark.)
4. Unfinished Business (Unexpressed feelings; an issue that has not been dealt with)
Three of Wands
Indicates that you need to rely on yourself for guidance. Clarify your intentions and goals, and do what is right for you. No one else can see what you can – trust your intuition.
(My thoughts/interpretation: I feel like there’s PLENTY of unfinished business with my story, but I didn’t count “relying on my own guidance” as part of it. As with many of the others, at first look, this card doesn’t make sense with its placement in the spread. But is it just another meaning I don’t comprehend?
It really is an uphill battle – feeling so strongly in my own beliefs and intuition, but having to go with the way things “appear” to be. Things will always feel “unfinished” in that sense. I want to reach that point where I have 100% certainty in my intuitive abilities and full faith that what’s meant to be will be.)
5. Defense Mechanisms (Unconscious behaviors meant to protect, yet contribute to the problem)
Father of Cups
Represents a dignified man who supports his family and community.
What holds him back are his deeply-rooted insecurities; they are vast and affect his personality in many unpredictable ways.
(My thoughts/interpretation: I know this spread was meant to describe my own behaviors and traits, but having this card in my reading was so surprising, because I believe this strongly defines my ex-boyfriend. He did often have a “dignified” air about him. He’s all about giving support to his military “brothers” – that’s the family he cares about. I was briefly a priority.
The line about “deeply-rooted insecurities; they are vast and affect his personality in many unpredictable ways” has him written all over it. That is so spot on.
So what does the card’s presence signify in my reading? I see two different possibilities.
One is saying that I’m trying to protect my heart by keeping this idea of him in my head – that it’s just my view used to hold onto a tiny bit of hope.
Or it’s talking about his own methods of protecting himself and the problems he himself creates.
That probably sounds ridiculous to translate it in that way, but at the same time, I stay adamant in my perspective of his serious mental issues and the damage they cause. Nobody can change my mind about that.)
6. Reframe (Reconsidering negative beliefs in a positive and helpful way)
Mother of Cups
Indicates a woman with strong psychic abilities; her insights help those around her. She thrives when amidst her family, creative arts, and beauty of any kind. When pushed, she becomes aggressive and defensive. She’ll commonly see herself as the victim when distressed in a situation.
(My thoughts/interpretation: Another familiarity. This time, I see myself. Not so much with the “strong psychic abilities” (yet), but I dream of my own family to take care of, I love to work on creative projects, and I aspire to produce beautiful things. I can be aggressive, however, I’m not overly-defensive. If I’m considering myself a “victim” in a situation, it’s because someone has done something very cruel and hurtful to me.
I’m not sure what this card has to do with “reframing my beliefs,” I just couldn’t help but notice the irony that the Mother of Cups sounds so much like me and the Father of Cups sounds so much like my ex. We were planning a life together and being parents and here we are as the Mother and Father.
Why do these things happen?)
7. Coping Behavior (A positive way of dealing with unpleasant thoughts and feelings)
Ten of Wands
You are facing a difficult situation. Mental burdens have been weighing on your spirit, which causes hopelessness and depression. You can’t “get through” to what you want – the way is unclear.
If this card appears in response to a person or situation, it may be best to simply walk away.
(My thoughts/interpretation: Yes, I’ve been saying over and over again how unclear things are. I don’t do well walking away from something I can’t get my mind off of.
I know, it’s like I fight every card. My heart is persistent. Persistently stupid maybe.)
8. Natural Supports (Identifying anything/anyone in your life that is positive and supportive)
Eight of Pentacles
Advises you to hone your skills and master your craft. Be very detail-oriented. Whatever it is you enjoy, keep going and become very, very good at it.
(My thoughts/interpretation: This is my plan, so I can get on board with this card.)
9. Insight (The “a-ha” moment; a revelation which will help you overcome the problem)
Son of Cups
Indicates extreme talent and success in visual arts.
Also denotes an introspective, mysterious charm and dark intensity hidden deep inside.
(My thoughts/interpretation: Yes, this is definitely our child – talented, creative, and hiding buried, brooding secrets. He gets his asshole ways from his father.
That’s translation for “I have no idea what the significance of this card is.”)
10. Intervention (Something new to try, intended to help solve the problem)
Ace of Wands
A flood of inspiration and creativity – your ideas and outlook will expand.
Growth and fertility abound. In a literal sense, it could be mean a pregnancy or birth may be in the near future.
(My thoughts/interpretation: It doesn’t look like our Son of Cups is on his way, so I will continue to be inspired by working on my website.)
So there you have it.
Nonsense? Meaningful? Secret implications? A mix of everything maybe?
I guess only time will tell.
I need to keep practicing with my decks and perhaps the answers will become clearer.
Until next month, Blessed Be.