“January is the month for dreaming.”
– Jean Hersey
I came across this quote a couple years ago and thought it really fit.
I’ve been “dreaming” all this month, as I usually do in January, but it’s especially significant and the focus this year.
This is the most positive, most hopeful mindset I’ve been in in a very long time, if ever, and I have felt such a buildup of faith and determination in an extremely short amount of time.
It’s quite amazing what “belief in divine assistance” can do for you mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
It’s taken me so many years to gain this kind of positive faith – even being a pagan and always saying I believed in the energies and divine forces around us…I never could allow myself to truly believe in my own “magickal abilities” because I was afraid I had none.
Or believe in my own “happy ending” because it seemed so impossible.
I didn’t have faith that anything would work for me, because nothing seemed to.
Even when I would have better, more positive periods and surprising, wonderful things would happen – those things would go terribly-wrong, and the cycle of depression and emptiness would continue.
I’ve been a good-hearted, negative-minded person my entire life.
I know this because my mom has said that when I was just a toddler, I told her that I wanted to die.
Very bizarre and unbelievable words coming from a child so young that they shouldn’t even know what death is.
I’ve really never thought of myself as someone with “Clinical Depression” (and I still don’t), but I could see why I might come off that way.
I’ve always considered it “situational.”
And I do have some issues with anxiety and occasional attacks, but they definitely don’t stop me from living and taking risks in life for what I want.
So I don’t know why the sad, negative mindset started so young and made me always feel like an outsider.
Maybe my negative energy stems from my emotional sensitivity.
My desire to be a wife and mother has been the main reason for my pain and emptiness, and why for so long I described myself as feeling like a “ghost amongst the living.”
But it’s like a broken heart was programmed in me way before the real heartache came.
And then it just got worse and worse.
And yes of course the HVAC guy is still on my mind and his actions/words still pain me, but I’m also in a place of “what’s meant to happen will happen and what’s right for me will come and in the time it’s supposed to.”
He will come back if he has a damn good reason for what he did and if he’s truly the man for me. I won’t take anything less than the excusable, heartfelt apology and made-up-mind from him I deserve.
Because my future husband knows EXACTLY what he wants. Just like I do.
So if you’re wondering what has created this miraculous change in me, I can say that a part of it has to do with me starting to follow the “Law of Attraction.”
This universal concept is something I came across many years ago as it was a topic in the very first book I read on witchcraft.
I read the section, scoffed at it I’m sure, and never gave it a second thought.
And since I could never get myself to do spells, the forsaken “Law of Attraction” was never on my mind to put into use.
I don’t think my cynical, pessimistic personality could have comprehended it up to this point anyway.
Strangely enough, after yet another terrible letdown from a guy, I rediscovered the LoA through book shopping online in late December.
I wanted reads on spiritual/metaphysical topics (particularly “manifesting”) and I found “Super Attractor: Methods for Manifesting a Life Beyond Your Wildest Dreams” by Gabrielle Bernstein.
I bought it off Barnes & Noble, along with her “Super Attractor” card deck, which I love.
I really enjoyed reading the book; it did make me emotional at some points – good emotional.
It surprises me myself how I took to this concept of positive attitude living and faith in the Universe. My thoughts just really did a turnaround in the later half of December; I’m so proud of what I’ve achieved and how far I’ve come.
There’s still things I’m not going all into detail about, but perhaps soon.
Maybe next month I’ll even do a blog on the Law of Attraction.
Along with multiple books, card decks and other things I bought with giftcard money, I purchased several new soap molds for my melt-and-pour soapmaking hobby.
I’m planning on creating lots of pretty soap in the spring and doing displays.
I didn’t take a picture of my new molds, but I do have my 2018 winter soap display below.
It’s been a nice, long day off today – cold and wet like you’d expect in January.
Yesterday was 67 degrees and sunshine.
We still haven’t had a real, proper snow day; just a dusting a week or two ago. But today was definitely winter.
I worked on neglected pages on my website and I went for a rainy and chilly walk this afternoon. I had canned chicken noodle soup for lunch and made a crock pot dinner.
I’ve been editing pictures and writing for hours.
I say the day is done.
Also, because I’ve been posting so little lately, I decided to add a bunch of photos I took before the New Year, as well as a couple others just taken this month.
The past several weeks have been a mix of spooky, eerie and enchanting beauty, not to mention strange happenings, signs, and occurrences (i.e., synchronicities again, as usual).
A frosty, foggy morning back in December
A gorgeous, magickal evening sky in late December
Another beautiful sunset – this time from January, just last week
And as the LoA would have me say, I am ready to receive the new, exciting miracles and blessings that are on their way for me.